Quarter Life Crisis Came Early

It's been quite some time, prolly about a year back I last sat down to blog. Time seriously passed way too fast, especially after graduating from Uni and it's already past mid-2013. Well, all I could say that is, indeed, time and tide waits for no man.

I guess I've been pretty lucky to have a wonderful group of friends surrounding me, where though we do not meet up often, it never fails to be super comfortable around them, even though the last time we met could have been like a year or even years back. They have always been the ones who does the necessary check and balance in my life and even though not much are said during the rather short time spent we meet, I have always put deep thoughts into their words which made me who I am today. How is this then linked to what I'm going to say in the other parts of the post? I've spoken to these people about my decision and they have all gave me their utmost support acknowledging that being happy on the job is crucial.

This is a very sudden jump from the previous para but yes, I left my job. I quit after being in it for approximately 7 months after graduation. Why? It's simple, I don't think the working environment suits me and the work I did wasn't fulfilling. And what i realised: Intership during the course of study is very very very important.

I've definitely learn alot from these 7 mths of work in a PR agency, more than what has been taught in books and invaluable experiences of the working world. The first few months were fun, the people were nice and I was learning at such a fast rate. The next few weren't exactly nice, people change, work became more burdensome and I felt that it was such a chore to wake up every morning and drag myself to the office. I knew then, that something wasn't right, that I had to take charge of my life and do something about it. I cannot just live my life this way looking forward only to the weekends, which means I'm only actually really 'living' for 8 days per month. I couldn't stand looking at myself waste my life away.

I had this feeling for the longest time but I didn't had the courage to resign. Why? It was my first job, I was afraid of the future, I kept telling myself that this phase will pass but it didn't. There was always this constant voice in me, asking me what am I actually doing with my life. Soon, I started to speak my thoughts to those beside me. My bf had the worst I should say since I was almost complaining to him about work everyday, even to the brink of crying on the train when I know that I was heading to the office, it was THAT bad. Taking a step further, I started to ask my colleagues about what drove them to work everyday, what is their passion. Some said that they wanted to earn alot of money for their family, some said that it was the little praises they get from people and I tried to look to them and perhaps get some inspiration, but it just didn't work. I felt that what I was doing wasn't helping people in their lives, it was merely helping them to make more money by twisting stories and bootlicking the media to get their names on the papers. How is that even fulfilling when I truly believe that one should look pass the attainment of money which only leads to greed and materialism.

I understand that money is important for our daily living, but I would just like to post a question to people out there who are slaves for money that how much is enough? Does owning a branded bag make you a better person? I just couldn't take it that the environment around me is so filled with all these talks about purchasing the next series of Chanel bag or the 10% discount of a YSL bag. To me, it didn't matter if one carries a branded item or not, but having a good personality and a good heart is. You can look like a million dollars on the outside, tagging your instagram pics with loads of branded names, but can you ever tag your inner beauty? go try tagging terms like #patience #kind-hearted #gracious. I couldn't take the superficial world around me and it led me to question the values of mankind. I was turning mad.

And other than the materialistic environment I was in, the boss was bias towards her favourite managers, giving them extra offdays as and when she likes and called junior staffs 'minons', the managers were so slack (once, one was hungover and didn't even turn up for a weekend event and didn't even apologised to those who covered for him - HR told me it wasn't his first time), accounts always had no directions and junior staffs were always asked to be 'pro-active', which includes taking charge of the comms plan as what I was being told. Then hello, you higher ranked people, take more money than us 'minons' for what if we have to do everything? Yea, thanks so much for all the 'learning opportunities'. And I didn't had an off-in-lieu when I worked on a PH (irony that it was on Labour Day). Say Whaaaaaaaaat!

The turning point came when one of my manager brought me out to talk. I guess he could sense that I wasn't my usual self and he wanted to talk things out with me, a 'motivational' talk as he would've put it. Imo, he wasn't the best person to advise and to talk sense into me. After the talk, it gave me even more determination to resign. Every flaw I pointed out about the management or the work i was assigned, I was being shoot back 10x where the conversation ended with, "If I tell you that nothing is going to change, what are you gonna do about it?". I mentally shouted back in his face, "I QUIT!" but of course, I merely looked down and forced a smile. I submitted my letter the very next morning.

An you would have thought that I must have felt a great deal of relief, no it didn't happen. I started to worry about my allowances cause I didn't wanted to go back to taking money from my dad. I started to think about the uncertainty of my future. I started to ponder if I should switch career path or should I stick to it and try it out again in another agency. I had too many questions bothering me. Many told me I made a wrong move by not finding another job first before I quit, but to me, I just needed a break from all the above nonsense. Not long after while serving my one month notice, I applied for animal related jobs (SPCA, Zoo, Vet Assistant) which were totally different from the degree I took in Uni.

I admit, I was afraid and still am.

It is not unusual that people drift away from what they studied but I initially felt that it was such a waste taking the degree I took back then. However, my bf talked some sense into me, saying that it wasn't a waste at all since mass comm is such a general degree which has exposed me to so much general knowledge, thinking and language skills. Also, I must say that the endless presentations and skits and class discussions and made me a more confident person as compared to who I was before. Thus, it has aided me in more ways than one and least now that I know that this job isn't what I am looking for, perhaps I'll treasure the next job that comes my way.

Good news, I didn't had to wait too long before a vet clinic located four bustops away from my house called me up for an interview. Initially, I was still afraid that I had to survive on the pathetic half month pay I had gotten for the month of June for months before finding another job. I got the job as a vet assistant after the interview and hooray, there's still income to feed my tummy and thank god for no 'dry' months in between.

Initially, I wanted to offer my help to animal organizations but the thing is that most of them operate on a volunteer basis and I still needed to feed myself, hence was seriously considering about it. And so i thought of working at the SPCA since workers there are still being paid, but due to some internal reshuffling (what the HR guy told me) I did not get the position. I thought of taking up grooming courses too so that I could probably work in a pet shop or grooming place but I needed some money for that too, so it didn't worked out. And alas, what is a better way to help animals than to help save lives and nurse them at a clinic, and so my choice to apply for a job as a vet assistant. I may not have the necessary qualifications but I guess the passion for the job is much more important and I am so happy that the vet was willingly to take me in and let me learn the skills, though she reminded me that maths and chemistry (after seeing my grades) are very important in the medical field since I had to prepare medications for the animal. She gave me a scenario test on the spot and I got it right, so PHEW, she thought I was pretty smart despite my lackluster grades in chem and maths.

I am starting work next Monday and am pretty excited yet scared since I don't know what to expect. The pay I am getting is pretty peanuts, lesser than the pathetic pay I got as a PR Associate, but I'm hoping that this job will allow for my life to be more fulfilled with me waking up every morning feeling excited, knowing that my trip to work is important in the saving of lives of many animals.

I wish myself all the best in my upcoming job and till another big event happens, I guess there wouldn't be much of me on this space.

Peace out!
XOXO

i thought this feeling was over and done with months back. weird how it managed to return, and its back to square one again for me to deal with it. not a wise feeling, not a morally right one either. told myself i was over with it, yet it seemed that i couldn't be more wrong.

am i mad or mad, who on earth would be bothered with someone who isn't even the least bit bothered with their life. saddistic me perhaps finds it challenging, perhaps something different.

i have nothing good to say about it at all. am hoping this feeling fades fast and, sparing me from all this agony.

Perception

Sept, 2008

March, 2012

so chic

Digital perm

it all started with me chancing upon this really cute poster of The Vow at Cineleisure one night before our movie(Chronicles) started.

i imed went, "omg her hair is so prettyyyyyy" !!
i mean, c'mon, anyone who doesnt think this is pretty must be mad.

the next day, we arrived at the salon which we pre-booked (Cataomo, FEP). Clar intro-ed me and she said it was worth a try so yea, just thought of trimming my ends and boyfee wanted a haircut too. but while the hairdresser attended to me, i just had to show him this pic.

i asked if perming could achieve such an effect or it could only be done by tonging. he was upfront about it n said that of course it wouldnt be entirely e same plus he couldnt get a full view of her hair as well. but he assured me that doing a digital perm, i could have big curls in my hair which will look natural at the same time. and so after discussing about e price, i went ahead.

i was thinking since i still had some angpow $ left, plus i didnt like my too straight hair and boyfee was agreeable to it too, i'll just give it a shot! i kept praying it wouldnt turn out to look like e last time i permed my hair which left me looking like Hagrid.

he started out by layering my hair, alot of my hair i must say since my hair was one-length. then he continue on with the process of applying some cream, washing it off, fixing my head to some machine, dipping it in some cream again, washing it off, did some treatment, wash off and finally tadah my hair was done. took almost 3hours and boyfee was so patient to sit there and waited for me all e way.

this was me in the process with all the stuffs stucked to my head. im the one at the front, and coincidentally, there was another girl at the back doing the same thing as well. i didn't wait to see how hers turned out.

so after 3 hours, TADAH, i have got pretty curls!


didnt take any shots in e salon as i was too shy, so these were taken when i was back home.

must say, i quite like the effect of the perm thou it didnt looked as 'natural' as Rachael McAdams's one on e poster. the perm left my hair soft and i was really amaze at this as my last perm made my hair kinda hard, and you know how people always say that having chemical treatments to the hair will spoil it and all sorts. well, i mean, i couldnt see the hair follicles lah if its damaged or what, but its very smooth to the touch and just feels like i've got natural curly hair! :)))

and i realised different products have different effects on it too.
Edwin my stylist intro-ed me this cream which he says is 2-in-1, treatment and styling at the same time, that i could use it everytime i head out. hmm come to think of it perhaps its this cream that is making my hair soft all the while. anw, i tried another hair product by Liese which claims to differentiate the layers thus making the curls more obvious, and yes it did! hair looked boomz-er but could feel the product on the hair where as for the previous one, it dries out to just make the hair feel smooth. guess hair product would be used based on where im heading to then.

imo, i thought it was good choice, especially for ppl like me who has an issue of hair being too heavy thus afraid of leaving bald patches on the top. i liked my one-length hair no doubt, but it was so heavy that i could feel it tugging my roots, esp the ones at the hairline. now, i can still have voluminous hair without the xtra weight! and its super love when you wake up in the morning to have chio hair, like omgzz im so blessed. HAHA.

the only thing is that Edwin did not mention anything about not washing my hair till 2 days later, so i washed it last night and i hope it doesnt affect anything. been rather paranoid after nicole mentioned it on twitter and i googled about it, where ppl say its best not to wash it for 24-48 hours.

for now, im living in denial, thinking the perm is so superb that it doesnt matter at all.
so, thats all for my episode on digital perm and i hope my hair grows out fast and the perm looks more natural as it does so :)